some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
