I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize