Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
