she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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