this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
