i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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