New low: just hacked my moms facebook
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize