Kiss
Puke
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
