I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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