Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
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