when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
