im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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