Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
