I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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