I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
