i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
