I feel great
I just peed on a car
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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