I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
