woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
did i just pee glitter
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