We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize