Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
