i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
