she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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