I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
