So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I think your dad took our porno
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
