peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
