I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
