youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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