Porn is love you can see.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
