I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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