Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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