I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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