Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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