remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
