GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize