So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
