Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
