his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
