I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
