The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
