What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
