No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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