I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
