dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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