these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
operation harelip BJ is a go
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
