I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize