I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
