hell yes lets make some ravioli
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize