Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I wish I only lived at night.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
