now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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