fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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