honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize