I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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