He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
