I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
