Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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