i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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