Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
