i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize