If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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