I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
