I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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