singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
