Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Can I color on your dick again?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
