so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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