well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
We had to coat check the pizza.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
