Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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