Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
