So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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